BATHROOM ACCESSORIES DUEL
Cat Butt Tissue Holder vs Toilet Timer by Katamco. Only one can reign supreme. Both will be purchased.
Cat Butt Tissue Holder
by WHAT ON EARTH
$28
Tissues from a cat's behind. Ceramic. Twenty-eight dollars. Fine art.
PROS
- +Every tissue comes with a story you'll tell whether people want to hear it or not
- +Ceramic construction means this heirloom outlives you
- +Holds a standard tissue box, so it's genuinely functional
CONS
- -You are pulling tissues from a cat's butt, deliberately, multiple times a day
- -Twenty-eight dollars for a joke that never gets old or gets very old, depending
Toilet Timer by Katamco
by Katamco
$15
Five minutes. That's all you get. The tiny toilet has spoken.
PROS
- +Scientifically engineered to reduce bathroom phone time
- +The most passive-aggressive gift under fifteen dollars
- +Sand timer requires zero batteries or WiFi
CONS
- -Receiving this as a gift is a message you cannot ignore
- -Five minutes is either too long or way too short, depending on the burrito
THE NUMBERS
SCORE BREAKDOWN
THE VERDICT
The Toilet Timer wins this bathroom battle on the grounds of honest, unflinching utility. The Cat Butt Tissue Holder is a ceramic cat whose rear end dispenses tissues, which is a sentence that required an entire manufacturing pipeline to become true. It's funny. It's functional. It outlives you because it's ceramic. But the Toilet Timer is a five-minute hourglass shaped like a tiny toilet that exists solely to shame you for scrolling on the real toilet. It addresses a genuine public health concern with passive-aggressive sand. No batteries. No WiFi. Just gravity and judgment. At $15 vs $28, the Timer also wins on price-to-shame ratio.