WHICH ABSURD PRODUCT ARE YOU?
Five questions. One destiny. Find the absurd Amazon product that matches your soul.
How do you feel about practical objects?
COMMON RECOMMENDATIONS
The products our quiz recommends most often, ranked by how much bewilderment they deliver per dollar
Nicolas Cage Sequin Pillowcase
The sequin reveal pillow that turns any couch into performance art.
Archie McPhee Yodeling Pickle
Fourteen dollars of pure, battery-powered, yodeling glory.
Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer
The product that launched the greatest Amazon review section in history.
KOHLER Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet (Black)
Ten thousand dollars of Bluetooth-enabled bathroom excellence.
Dash Mini Waffle Maker
One tiny waffle at a time. Functional. Adorable. Eleven dollars.
GIFT-FINDING FAQ
Decision paths for the perpetually bewildered shopper
What's the best novelty gift for a coworker?
The Cat Butt Tissue Holder at $28. It's a ceramic cat that dispenses tissues from its backside. It's functional, it's horrifying, and it will make you the most talked-about gift-giver at the holiday party. HR will have questions but your coworker will remember this forever.
What should I buy someone who has everything?
The Nicolas Cage Sequin Pillowcase at $16. Nobody has everything until they own a pillow that reveals Nicolas Cage's face when you run your hand across the sequins. It fills a gap in every person's collection that they didn't know existed.
What's a good absurd gift under $20?
The Yodeling Pickle at $14. It's an electronic pickle that yodels. Press the button, hear the yodel. Thousands of five-star reviews confirm this is one of the most satisfying purchases on Amazon. Budget absurdity at its finest.
Is there a product that's both useful AND ridiculous?
The Dash Mini Waffle Maker at $11. It makes one tiny waffle at a time and actually does it well. It's practical, it's adorable, and it fits in a desk drawer. The absurdity is in the scale, not the function.
What's the most expensive absurd product you recommend?
The KOHLER Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet in Black at $10,500. It has Bluetooth, Alexa integration, a heated seat, ambient LED lighting, UV sanitization, and an automatic bidet. The black version costs $1,500 more than the white version because some people want their bathroom to assert dominance.