Best Luxury Splurge for the Unapologetic
The KOHLER Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet in Black is the undisputed champion of luxury absurdity. At $10,500, it features Bluetooth speakers, Alexa integration, a heated seat with personalized temperature settings, ambient LED lighting in multiple colors, UV self-cleaning technology, and an automatic bidet. The matte black finish costs $1,500 more than the white version because color commands a premium when you are sitting on a throne. Every guest who enters your bathroom will spend an unreasonable amount of time pressing buttons. Your plumber will need IT support. But the heated seat on a winter morning transforms your daily routine into something approaching transcendence.
KOHLER Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet (Black)
by KOHLER
“The black one costs more. Because of course it does. Ten grand for a toilet.”
The Good
- All the features of the white model plus an extra fifteen hundred dollars of vibes
- Matte black finish that makes every other toilet look like a peasant's chamber pot
- The most intimidating toilet anyone will ever sit on
- Statement piece for bathrooms that need to assert dominance
- Same UV cleaning, heated seat, and bidet excellence in darkness
The Reality
- You paid fifteen hundred dollars for a color. For a toilet.
- Shows water spots more than the white model, which is cosmically ironic
- Guests will be afraid to use it and honestly, fair
- Insurance companies don't have a category for 'luxury toilet damage'
THE VERDICT
Everything the white Numi 2.0 does, but in black, and for fifteen hundred dollars more. That's right. The color black costs fifteen hundred extra dollars on a toilet. This is the Darth Vader of bathroom fixtures. It's a matte black throne for people who want their bathroom to match their soul.
$10,500 on Amazon. Prices may vary.
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