ONLY$299
7.8/10
QWERKYWRITER Typewriter Keyboard
Three hundred dollars to type emails like Ernest Hemingway.
ACQUIRE THISAre you tired of using a toilet that DOESN'T have Bluetooth?
ONLY$2,800
Breville Oracle Touch Espresso
by Breville
“Three grand so a robot can make your latte. It judges your taste silently.”
SURREAL SCORE: 6/10
A twenty-eight-hundred-dollar espresso machine with a touchscreen that automates everything. It grinds, doses, tamps, brews, and froths milk by itself. You are paying nearly three thousand dollars to avoid learning how to make coffee. The touchscreen has presets for your drinks, which is technology solving a problem that a notepad could also solve.
ACQUIRE THIS$2,800 on Amazon. Prices may vary.
THE PSYCHIC EVALUATION
Fully automatic grinding, dosing, tamping, and milk frothing
Touchscreen with customizable drink presets
Dual boiler for simultaneous brewing and steaming
Two thousand eight hundred dollars is a used car in some states
You could hire a barista for a month at this price
THE VERDICT
Absurdity Index6/10
Meme Potential6/10
Practical Value9/10
Price-to-WTF Ratio3/10
OVERALL SURREAL SCORE6/10
“A twenty-eight-hundred-dollar espresso machine with a touchscreen that automates everything. It grinds, doses, tamps, brews, and froths milk by itself. You are paying nearly three thousand dollars to avoid learning how to make coffee. The touchscreen has presets for your drinks, which is technology solving a problem that a notepad could also solve.”
OTHERS HAVE SUFFERED THESE:
ONLY$11K+
7.5/10
KOHLER Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet (Black)
The black one costs more. Because of course it does. Ten grand for a toilet.
ACQUIRE THIS
ONLY$15.00
7.3/10
24K Gold Foil Playing Cards
Fifteen dollars of gold-plated cardstock in a box fancier than your jewelry.
ACQUIRE THIS