ONLY$129
5.5/10
Are you tired of using products that DON'T have 200,000 five-star reviews?
ONLY$160.00
Kindle Paperwhite (2024, 16GB)
by Amazon
“Carry a library in your pocket. Read three books a year.”
SURREAL SCORE: 5.5/10
A single-purpose device in 2026. Revolutionary. It does one thing and does it well, which is more than can be said for your attention span. Sixteen gigabytes of storage means you can carry more books than you will ever read in your lifetime.
ACQUIRE THIS$160.00 on Amazon. Prices may vary.
THE PSYCHIC EVALUATION
E-ink screen that won't destroy your retinas at 2 AM
Battery lasts weeks because it barely does anything
Waterproof, so you can pretend to read at the pool
16GB holds roughly 11,000 books you will get to eventually
You are buying a device to do what a paperback does for free at the library
Amazon knows exactly which page you stopped reading
The ads on the lock screen are a choice
THE VERDICT
Absurdity Index2/10
Meme Potential3/10
Practical Value9/10
Price-to-WTF Ratio8/10
OVERALL SURREAL SCORE5.5/10
“A single-purpose device in 2026. Revolutionary. It does one thing and does it well, which is more than can be said for your attention span. Sixteen gigabytes of storage means you can carry more books than you will ever read in your lifetime.”
OTHERS HAVE SUFFERED THESE:
ONLY$50.00
5.8/10
Amazon Echo Dot (5th Gen)
The surveillance device that plays your Spotify. What a time to be alive.
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ONLY$50.00
5.5/10
Amazon Fire TV Stick 4K (2024)
Fifty dollars to watch the same three shows on five different apps.
ACQUIRE THIS