ONLY$17.00
8/10
Gifts for People Who Have Everything
8 hand-picked products, scored on cosmic absurdity and curated for this exact purpose.
THE QUICK ANSWER
The person who has everything does not have a Nicolas Cage Banana Pillow ($17). They do not have a Rubber Chicken Purse ($29) or Handerpants ($10). The entire point of this category is to find the products that exist outside the mental inventory of someone who thinks they've seen it all. The Kohler Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet ($8,997) is the nuclear option for the person who genuinely has everything, including the budget for a Bluetooth-enabled toilet. The Inflatable T-Rex Costume ($60) transforms any adult into a dinosaur, which is an experience money can buy but most people never think to purchase. These gifts succeed because they come from a product universe the recipient didn't know existed.
ONLY$29.00
7.3/10
ONLY$10.00
7.5/10
Handerpants (Underwear for Your Hands)
Your hands have been naked this whole time. We fixed that.
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ONLY$9K+
7.5/10
KOHLER Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet (White)
Nine grand. For a toilet. With Bluetooth. And you're considering it.
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ONLY$60.00
7.3/10
ONLY$28.00
7.3/10
Cat Butt Tissue Holder
Tissues from a cat's behind. Ceramic. Twenty-eight dollars. Fine art.
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ONLY$14.00
7.5/10
ONLY$35.00
6/10
Garden Gnome Riding a Dachshund
A gnome on a wiener dog. Thirty-five dollars. Yard art perfected.
ACQUIRE THISWHY THESE PICKS?
The strategy for gifting someone who has everything is to exit their known product universe entirely. These eight products span from $10 to $8,997, covering both the 'hilariously unexpected' and the 'genuinely life-changing luxury' ends of the spectrum. Each product scores 7+ on Absurdity Index because the element of surprise is the actual gift. The Yodeling Pickle and Cage Banana Pillow operate in a product category most people don't know exists, which is precisely the point.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
What do you get someone who literally has everything?
Something from a product category they didn't know existed. The Nicolas Cage Banana Pillow ($17) lives in the intersection of celebrity worship, fruit appreciation, and home textiles, which is a Venn diagram nobody has ever drawn before. That novelty is the gift.
What's a luxury gift for someone who has everything?
The Kohler Numi 2.0 Smart Toilet at $8,997 is the ultimate 'they have everything' gift. Bluetooth speakers, heated seat, UV sanitization, ambient lighting, and automatic everything. Even someone who owns a yacht probably doesn't have a toilet this advanced.
What's the best budget option for someone hard to shop for?
The Yodeling Pickle at $14 works universally. The concept 'electronic pickle that yodels' exists outside every person's expectation framework, regardless of their wealth, taste, or sophistication level. It costs $14 and has never failed to surprise someone.
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View guide →NOT SURE WHAT TO GET?
Five questions. Sixty seconds. One perfect absurd product, matched to your personality.
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